binge eating

I have had gastric bypass surgery, so that should have fixed all my problems, right? Since I took the "easy" way out? NO!! Its not easy I still struggle, I still fight tooth and nail to keep this bastard weight off everyday! Today I have given in to my binge style which I hate!  I bought a package of dark mint girredeli chocolates with the intent of control.... Which I have done well with I have had one in 4 days that is huge for me! But today Im bord, stress over usual stresses and so they are calling my name from the drawer Liiiiisssssaaaaa......Liiiisssssaaaaaa....Lisaaaaaaaaaaa.... do you hear it too or is it just me?  Anyway the little bastards have unwrapped themselves and are now in my stomach..... at least 6-7 of them I think... I have "one mored" my way to that many.  Now I feel ridiculous and yuck!  I got up at 6 am and ran for 38 minutes and just screwed it all up by eating candy because I let my fuck it mantra take over! Ive got to get a grip. I wish I knew why it would even cross my mind to eat that much candy.  I have always pushed it to the limit in everything I eat to excess that is how I got to 272 pounds at my highest.  I drank to total ridiculousness. Seriously I give everything my ALL! Eat til your miserable and get shitfaced where you cant walk and make the worst possible decisions ever! Got the alchol mostly under control now if I could control my food itd be grand! I want so badly to get to 150(or below) but I constantly get in my own way! Ive lost a few more pounds so I guess im getting scared that I might actually reach my Goal? That just makes no since! I weigh myself constantly but was out of a scale for a couple weeks and actually lost weight because I think I give myself the green light on more food if I weigh a couple pounds less instead of thinking ok good I go eat like Ive never eaten before like I unconciously trying to sabotage myself...I dunno I know logically that doesnt make a drop of since but I do it im just putting it here so I can read it later and maybe try to understand it.